There really are few doctors who are worthy of deep trust. Most of them are just like you and me. Well, all of them are to a degree. We're all sinners in desperate need of Christ. Sometimes, though, there will be a person who comes along who has a really unique mix of experience and humility; decisive execution and calm approach; deep care. One that makes you think, "I can trust this person with the lives of my children".
I've met a lot of doctors.
I've met arrogant ones-who new science and the body really well. But would they ever own up to making an error?-no way. And maybe they really think they've never made a mistake. Maybe they've contrived a defense against the harsh realities of nature-that all that goes wrong is not due to their incompetence. They are unforgiving and authoritative.
I've met friendly doctors who don't pretend to know everything; a bit wishy/washy. They have a hard time making decisions and often let you decide the course. At first, they are comforting in their genuineness. They really care about the patients and want what is best. Problem is, they don't know what is best. They seem scared of doing the wrong thing and don't want to be the one to hurt someone. Unfortunately the nature of being a physician is that you are willing to make a decision and guide those who seek your expertise. It takes courage.
Then there are the ones who appear very confident and able, but make wrong diagnoses. They hold onto their decisions when questioned-not out of true knowledge, but out of the fear of not knowing. Maybe they are needy for their own group of trusting patients. Maybe they haven't learned the delicate dance of humility and answers. These are the ones that frustrate me the most. I get a clear answer-out of left field mind you, but very direct. I get treatment and explanations, but it's a superficial confidence. No humility, no openness.
The doctor I trust is one who proves him or herself over and over. The decisions seem strange, but work. The assessment can seem a little distant, but caring; not overly personal, but not cold. They know about little rashes AND cancer. And they are willing to sway a little to the left or right depending on your level of understanding and comfort. These doctors respect a sixth sense. They understand it's not all up to them, but yet they have a huge responsibility. And if I'm really, really fortunate, they even pray.
I'm grateful for our top notch medical system. I'm so glad I'm not raising our kids in a 3rd world nation where every illness could very well be fatal without a drive-or flight-many hours to a semi-progressive hospital. But even with our ahead-of-the-times procedures and equipment, people still get sick and die.
I've been writing this post over the last week. I had a run-in that left a bad taste in my mouth. But after this Sunday's sermon I realized something. There were a few blessings that came with the misdiagnosed childhood illness. Yes, the course of treatment was drastically different, but there were blessings even in the mistake. God is there in the mistakes. I'm glad I had a little grace in the situation. But I think I was hard on the Doctor who made the error-not to her face, but in my heart. I felt superior. But I'm not. I have no gift there and neither did she. It comes down to pride for both of us.
"...In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength..." Isaiah 30:15
I'll be repeating this verse for a while.
Saturday, May 18, 2013
To Live...
4 boys under 9. A hormonally imbalanced mother. Winters stuck in the house. Not enough sleep. So, why are we homeschooling? Good, no, GREAT question!
We made our decision, Dave and me. We're doing it. Simon will be pulled from Octorara where he'd be entering the 3rd grade. Emory will never sit at a desk for Dr. Evans. No Halloween parades or Valentine parties and sacks of candy. No more bus stop mini-meetings with my mommy friends on the block. Yes, some very hard things for us to say goodbye to.
Stretched out before us is a new venture. I am looking at a horizon that will be almost entirely new. I'm scared. I'm apprehensive. I'm excited! This change for our family is big and it will be really hard. I think the hardest thing will be my self-discipline. Mostly the part where I want to yell and be mad and say things I will regret. That is the part I am afraid of. Can God make me different? Can his word transform me again? ...Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
I love God's word. It's all there. Every time I seek wisdom and comfort I find it. I may not FEEL it right away, but it comes. God IS faithful. So, why would he fail to be that this time?
I was talking to Bonnie, my sister-in-law, the other day and I told her how I like a challenge. I like to see if I can do it. Some things that come to mind as the biggest challenges I've faced are working in the ICU and giving birth at the birth center. In the ICU, where I worked for 1 year, I met God. He made Himself real to me. It was the scariest place I've ever worked and he was there. And at the birth center, where Matthew was born, I had no choice. I had to make it through labor and not lose it. There was no way out and I knew it going in. And I did it-no freakout. By God's grace, he allowed me to do it.
Will it be the same with homeschooling? I know I can't do it without Him. He's already given me a husband who fully supports the endeavor-new in the past few months. He's given me a full-day K program where I don't want my boys-and Emory can now read and write. God is proving Himself capable of this. Lord, help me let you. Make my heart teachable and changeable. Mold me into your image.
To live is Christ. All I have is yours. It's all I can give. And everything that is attached to me-my worries, my fears, my loves, my frustrations, my fatigue, my messes, my failures. Here you go, Lord. I lay it at the foot of the cross, where you died to save me from eternal suffering because you love me.
You were there to catch me in the ICU. You held me in your palm as I felt the power of your wrath through childbirth. And you didn't let me go. The fear of messing up my kids because I'm not ready to give our family away, it's yours. The fear of going mad with little boys all over me-yours. The JOY of watching them learn about your creation and enjoy it-yours too. And the deepening friendships among them and with me-all for you. Thank you, Lord. Here we go!
We made our decision, Dave and me. We're doing it. Simon will be pulled from Octorara where he'd be entering the 3rd grade. Emory will never sit at a desk for Dr. Evans. No Halloween parades or Valentine parties and sacks of candy. No more bus stop mini-meetings with my mommy friends on the block. Yes, some very hard things for us to say goodbye to.
Stretched out before us is a new venture. I am looking at a horizon that will be almost entirely new. I'm scared. I'm apprehensive. I'm excited! This change for our family is big and it will be really hard. I think the hardest thing will be my self-discipline. Mostly the part where I want to yell and be mad and say things I will regret. That is the part I am afraid of. Can God make me different? Can his word transform me again? ...Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
I love God's word. It's all there. Every time I seek wisdom and comfort I find it. I may not FEEL it right away, but it comes. God IS faithful. So, why would he fail to be that this time?
I was talking to Bonnie, my sister-in-law, the other day and I told her how I like a challenge. I like to see if I can do it. Some things that come to mind as the biggest challenges I've faced are working in the ICU and giving birth at the birth center. In the ICU, where I worked for 1 year, I met God. He made Himself real to me. It was the scariest place I've ever worked and he was there. And at the birth center, where Matthew was born, I had no choice. I had to make it through labor and not lose it. There was no way out and I knew it going in. And I did it-no freakout. By God's grace, he allowed me to do it.
Will it be the same with homeschooling? I know I can't do it without Him. He's already given me a husband who fully supports the endeavor-new in the past few months. He's given me a full-day K program where I don't want my boys-and Emory can now read and write. God is proving Himself capable of this. Lord, help me let you. Make my heart teachable and changeable. Mold me into your image.
To live is Christ. All I have is yours. It's all I can give. And everything that is attached to me-my worries, my fears, my loves, my frustrations, my fatigue, my messes, my failures. Here you go, Lord. I lay it at the foot of the cross, where you died to save me from eternal suffering because you love me.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Ch. 143 Playing Dumb
From birth, Simon who is now 8, has been quite intelligent. Very verbal from a young age, imaginative beyond boundaries, easily relational to all sorts of people, quick to memorize and very passionate about topics of interest. With this little mind has come many, many challenges. A very obstinate attitude, we are no strangers to. It just morphs as he gets older.
In recent weeks, when we catch him doing something wrong, he plays dumb. It goes like this:
"Simon, you know you are not allowed to..." And before we can even explain what he did wrong we get- "What?! I don't even know what you're talking about!" Or, my personal, least, favorite- "What did I do?!!".
Usually these responses take the form of screaming. Often they are demanding, not really questions at all. And explaining to him how this is actually defiant is a whole other party. But here's where I don't let him go. I know he's smart. I know he knows what is going on. So I pin him down.
This morning I stayed very calm and we started from the beginning. I asked him if he knew it was wrong to get in Matthew's Pack-n-play. A shaking "yes" head. Ok, when I told you not to do it, why did you act like you had no idea what you did wrong? Puzzled look. Why did you act like getting in the pack-n-play was ok? Did you know it was wrong? Yes. Ok, here's where I have a problem, Son. After I told you to get out and you had to sit on the bench, you acted like you didn't know it was wrong. Puzzled look.
I kept saying the same thing over again until he finally relented and acknowledged that he in fact DID know-verbally saying yes- getting in the pack-n-play was wrong. I pointed out that he acted like he didn't know what he did wrong.
I told him this was called playing dumb-and it was a lie. I told him I know he is smart and he knows what is right and wrong. I asked him if he knew what I meant. Yes. Yes-I saw it in his eyes. We were on a level field now. I explained his discipline-30 min in his bed after homework today-for playing dumb.
Confusion is the diversion. He is a smart, thoughtful, and at times, very manipulative boy. And as I observe other boys his age, they think they have us fooled. There's no time for this sort of conversation between teachers and our children. Recess aids and lunchroom attendants don't have the patience or personal knowledge of our children to call them on this. Neighbors are tired and afraid to confront other people's kids.
I'm so glad that I know my children. I'm so glad I know their hearts. Where would they be if they were allowed to drift, to start believing their own lies and excuses? Someday, I will not be that person. Someday it will be between them and their King. But I will never relinquish them to their sin. Lord, help me to never believe the lies they try to tell themselves or others. And, Lord, I pray you will be the King of their hearts and you will refuse to relinquish them too.
In recent weeks, when we catch him doing something wrong, he plays dumb. It goes like this:
"Simon, you know you are not allowed to..." And before we can even explain what he did wrong we get- "What?! I don't even know what you're talking about!" Or, my personal, least, favorite- "What did I do?!!".
Usually these responses take the form of screaming. Often they are demanding, not really questions at all. And explaining to him how this is actually defiant is a whole other party. But here's where I don't let him go. I know he's smart. I know he knows what is going on. So I pin him down.
This morning I stayed very calm and we started from the beginning. I asked him if he knew it was wrong to get in Matthew's Pack-n-play. A shaking "yes" head. Ok, when I told you not to do it, why did you act like you had no idea what you did wrong? Puzzled look. Why did you act like getting in the pack-n-play was ok? Did you know it was wrong? Yes. Ok, here's where I have a problem, Son. After I told you to get out and you had to sit on the bench, you acted like you didn't know it was wrong. Puzzled look.
I kept saying the same thing over again until he finally relented and acknowledged that he in fact DID know-verbally saying yes- getting in the pack-n-play was wrong. I pointed out that he acted like he didn't know what he did wrong.
I told him this was called playing dumb-and it was a lie. I told him I know he is smart and he knows what is right and wrong. I asked him if he knew what I meant. Yes. Yes-I saw it in his eyes. We were on a level field now. I explained his discipline-30 min in his bed after homework today-for playing dumb.
Confusion is the diversion. He is a smart, thoughtful, and at times, very manipulative boy. And as I observe other boys his age, they think they have us fooled. There's no time for this sort of conversation between teachers and our children. Recess aids and lunchroom attendants don't have the patience or personal knowledge of our children to call them on this. Neighbors are tired and afraid to confront other people's kids.
I'm so glad that I know my children. I'm so glad I know their hearts. Where would they be if they were allowed to drift, to start believing their own lies and excuses? Someday, I will not be that person. Someday it will be between them and their King. But I will never relinquish them to their sin. Lord, help me to never believe the lies they try to tell themselves or others. And, Lord, I pray you will be the King of their hearts and you will refuse to relinquish them too.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
A most precious sound
Our little 16 month old, Matthew, was once again on the table. This time it was because a chair had been left untucked and there were some legos to be had. No matter how much we say no or spank, he loves to stand on the table. Recently, though, we find him scooting back into the chair when we tell him to.
David has a way of getting quite annoyed when Matthew goes on the table to get his legos. And this morning, while I was busy in the kitchen, Matthew was pushed off. It started with a yell of, " No! Stop!" Then thud, cry. "I tried to catch him, mom", from Emory. The precious sound was to come later...
Matthew had a red oval on his forehead and he went directly to bed for a nap. It was time anyway.
When I came down, David was sitting on the bench, as I had instructed. The bench is our discipline spot-makes the perfect time-out seat and paddling area. It is removed from the rest of the house and usually clear from debris. I told David he was to have a paddle for what he did. We then talked about it. I went and got the paddle.
When I returned I watched him as he saw the paddle in my hand. "I'm sorry, Mommy". "I know you are, sweetie. You need a paddle now". I paddled him twice-just the right hurt for his little hiney. He doesn't need a hard paddle. Just seeing it really is probably enough. I hugged him and he hugged me. I told him I love him and I don't like to paddle, but I had to so he could remember not to push his baby brother off the table, or chair for that matter. David was sad, he said it didn't hurt and held back tears, which is his normal reaction. So tough. 4 this coming Friday.
About 10 minutes later I see the little boy in the corner of the kitchen. He asks for something and I answer. He then says, "Mommy, are you still mad at me?" "No, honey. I forgive you". A visible wave of peace washes over his face.
Did I mention I love being a mommy? What better place to hear the voice of Christ. So precious.
David has a way of getting quite annoyed when Matthew goes on the table to get his legos. And this morning, while I was busy in the kitchen, Matthew was pushed off. It started with a yell of, " No! Stop!" Then thud, cry. "I tried to catch him, mom", from Emory. The precious sound was to come later...
Matthew had a red oval on his forehead and he went directly to bed for a nap. It was time anyway.
When I came down, David was sitting on the bench, as I had instructed. The bench is our discipline spot-makes the perfect time-out seat and paddling area. It is removed from the rest of the house and usually clear from debris. I told David he was to have a paddle for what he did. We then talked about it. I went and got the paddle.
When I returned I watched him as he saw the paddle in my hand. "I'm sorry, Mommy". "I know you are, sweetie. You need a paddle now". I paddled him twice-just the right hurt for his little hiney. He doesn't need a hard paddle. Just seeing it really is probably enough. I hugged him and he hugged me. I told him I love him and I don't like to paddle, but I had to so he could remember not to push his baby brother off the table, or chair for that matter. David was sad, he said it didn't hurt and held back tears, which is his normal reaction. So tough. 4 this coming Friday.
About 10 minutes later I see the little boy in the corner of the kitchen. He asks for something and I answer. He then says, "Mommy, are you still mad at me?" "No, honey. I forgive you". A visible wave of peace washes over his face.
Did I mention I love being a mommy? What better place to hear the voice of Christ. So precious.
Friday, April 5, 2013
This Little Light
What inspires me? What gets me passionate? I don't mean horses, difficult hikes with a great view or the reemergence of Spring. What things stir an energy for change?
Right now it is this: http://www.freedom.firm.in/
And this: http://www.songlyrics.com/andrew-peterson/light-for-the-lost-boy/
And this: http://www.chaponline.com/
Ok I'll take break from c/v. It's a new trick for me :-).
Oh, and one more: http://www.glutenfreegoddess.blogspot.com/
Sorry-this is somewhat of a journal that I can look back over and see that I was in fact inspired.
Last night I found myself in a place of deep un-inspiration. My light was fading. Why am I a mother? Why do I get up and do it all over again? It's not pretty. It's not clean. It's never done or complete. But, there are those things that come along and make my little light shine brighter. People too-I have a list of them.
Here's another thing that really ignites my flame- "Mommy where's my knife?"-and I know. Then 30 seconds later, "Where's my sheath?" And I know. Except he says it more like "Where's my sheaf". He's not even 4, after all.
Even though the work is never done-oftentimes not even started, I really like being a mother. I like being with my kids. I like knowing what they know and watching them learn what I know. I like-no love-having four little boys who are not men yet. Who are excitable and silly and skinny. They fight and cry and run, run, run. They want to be held and eat way too much sugar.
Jesus found my heart and is changing it into His-and He loves little children. Lord, give me eyes to see what you see and to learn what you know. Help me, Father, to get up again and again, to never be finished and yet be inspired.
Right now it is this: http://www.freedom.firm.in/
And this: http://www.songlyrics.com/andrew-peterson/light-for-the-lost-boy/
And this: http://www.chaponline.com/
Ok I'll take break from c/v. It's a new trick for me :-).
Oh, and one more: http://www.glutenfreegoddess.blogspot.com/
Sorry-this is somewhat of a journal that I can look back over and see that I was in fact inspired.
Last night I found myself in a place of deep un-inspiration. My light was fading. Why am I a mother? Why do I get up and do it all over again? It's not pretty. It's not clean. It's never done or complete. But, there are those things that come along and make my little light shine brighter. People too-I have a list of them.
Here's another thing that really ignites my flame- "Mommy where's my knife?"-and I know. Then 30 seconds later, "Where's my sheath?" And I know. Except he says it more like "Where's my sheaf". He's not even 4, after all.
Even though the work is never done-oftentimes not even started, I really like being a mother. I like being with my kids. I like knowing what they know and watching them learn what I know. I like-no love-having four little boys who are not men yet. Who are excitable and silly and skinny. They fight and cry and run, run, run. They want to be held and eat way too much sugar.
Jesus found my heart and is changing it into His-and He loves little children. Lord, give me eyes to see what you see and to learn what you know. Help me, Father, to get up again and again, to never be finished and yet be inspired.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Rotavirus is Temporary
One of the hardest thing in a Mother's day to day is having sick little ones. I'm not referring to cancer or serious diseases, I'm talking about the normal bugs of childhood. Although, at any given moment these bugs seem that they have the capability to kill a child.
Recently we have had the exhaustive experience of bronchitis-Simon. And then we have Rotavirus. Both scary. As my mothering experience widens I have realized there is no reason to panic. Things subside, kids heal, eat again. But there are always those moments when the fear gets the better of me. Not long lasting, but fear-dark and numb.
David is our bird. Eats little, is little. He's in the 5th percentile. He scares me the most when he is sick. Looks like a little Haulocost victim. 30lbs and almost 4 (next week).
Yesterday after writing the above stuff David seemed sicker. He's better this am. Note to self-PEDIALYTE!!!!!!!!!!!!! No water-no soy milk-no juice. If they won't drink-ok-just push the pedialyte untill they will. Use a syringe to give 5cc at a time until they will drink on their own. If they won't eat-ok. But don't offer anything other than pedialyte until you KNOW they are better.
Mom and Dad stopped over yesterday and brought a bunch of stuff-more pedialyte, milk, dinner, chicken-which I better put in the freezer, paper towels, laundry soap, pasta. So helpful. And I'm snapping a lot at Dave. I think having our kids be sick is such a test of faith and endurance. I fail at both. But at these times-I'm so thankful to have God. To know he loves my kids-and lets them get sick. I'm so thankful for the nurses at the Dr.'s office-Eileen- who care and call me back, who are smart and mature and get me squeezed in to see the doc. I'm thankful for Pedialyte. I'm thankful for Emory-who is joyful and home and loving. I'm thankful for Dave who is supportive and sympathetic and hardworking. I'm grateful for the many, many days that the children are healthy and loud and running everywhere.
Oh, Lord, please help me to remember how it feels to have a sick child! Please help me to know that when they are well-we are in plenty! Don't let go of me-help me to remember how precious they are when they are well. Help me not to care about the dishes and toys and dirty floor. Give me the supernatural power to care for them and trust your hand in this illness. Help me to be perseverant as they need a loving mommy!
I need you, Lord Jesus. Without your holy Spirit and strength, I can not be what I should.
Recently we have had the exhaustive experience of bronchitis-Simon. And then we have Rotavirus. Both scary. As my mothering experience widens I have realized there is no reason to panic. Things subside, kids heal, eat again. But there are always those moments when the fear gets the better of me. Not long lasting, but fear-dark and numb.
David is our bird. Eats little, is little. He's in the 5th percentile. He scares me the most when he is sick. Looks like a little Haulocost victim. 30lbs and almost 4 (next week).
Yesterday after writing the above stuff David seemed sicker. He's better this am. Note to self-PEDIALYTE!!!!!!!!!!!!! No water-no soy milk-no juice. If they won't drink-ok-just push the pedialyte untill they will. Use a syringe to give 5cc at a time until they will drink on their own. If they won't eat-ok. But don't offer anything other than pedialyte until you KNOW they are better.
Mom and Dad stopped over yesterday and brought a bunch of stuff-more pedialyte, milk, dinner, chicken-which I better put in the freezer, paper towels, laundry soap, pasta. So helpful. And I'm snapping a lot at Dave. I think having our kids be sick is such a test of faith and endurance. I fail at both. But at these times-I'm so thankful to have God. To know he loves my kids-and lets them get sick. I'm so thankful for the nurses at the Dr.'s office-Eileen- who care and call me back, who are smart and mature and get me squeezed in to see the doc. I'm thankful for Pedialyte. I'm thankful for Emory-who is joyful and home and loving. I'm thankful for Dave who is supportive and sympathetic and hardworking. I'm grateful for the many, many days that the children are healthy and loud and running everywhere.
Oh, Lord, please help me to remember how it feels to have a sick child! Please help me to know that when they are well-we are in plenty! Don't let go of me-help me to remember how precious they are when they are well. Help me not to care about the dishes and toys and dirty floor. Give me the supernatural power to care for them and trust your hand in this illness. Help me to be perseverant as they need a loving mommy!
I need you, Lord Jesus. Without your holy Spirit and strength, I can not be what I should.
Monday, March 25, 2013
To homeschool?
Here I am again. The undecided mother. I think God wants me to homeschool. But knowing how hard it will be and how I often struggle with depression-would it be best for our family? Would it be best for me? Would it really be best for the boys?
I keep going over the pros and cons list in my head. Trying to talk about it with anyone feels like a maelstrom of thought. So many many pros. But can I do it? Will God come through when I can't? Will he really keep me from hurting the kids when I am down and out? It's hard to put this into type-knowing the thoughts and words won't disappear the minute their thought. I often admire people who can be so frank in their blogs.
Well, maybe I'll just type out my pros and cons then. Maybe that will help me sort it out.
Homeschooling Pros
1. A natural rhythm to the time we spend learning/playing. No set 8 hr schedule concocted by a governing body with the mass in mind first.
2. Allowing my children to learn what they have passions for and dive into them without restraint.
3. Knowing what my kids are learning. Both from a Christian standpoint and a practical standpoint. If they are struggling, I'll know where and can help them or find help.
4. Open schedule for our family.
5. Joy in seeing the light bulbs go on and bonding with the boys in our teaching.
6. Kids not burnt out from long days and homework.
7. Involvment in a co-op where kids can make friends/support for me.
8. Training for the kids in our home with each other-forming deeper bonds and choosing our life
experiences.
9. Less unwanted peer influence.
Public School Pros
1. More personal time for me.
2. Someone else does the work and teaches when my child is difficult.
3. Social group and friendships form-children feel part of a group.
4. Our tax dollars at work
5. Encouragement and insight from teachers (which is limited due to large class size, but helpful).
6. Training for kids in a public setting for future challenges and allowing some autonomy away from me for the day. Ex: Learning to get along and love people from ALL walks.
Well, this is what I have so far. I don't think the longer list wins or anything. These are just the thought swirling around in my brain. I'm sure I'll add to the lists. Maybe I should do the cons next.
Now I will pray. I'm grateful that Dave will join me in this. Lord, please offer me wisdom on this subject. Help me to be courageous no matter which thing we choose. Help me to love you first and with all I am.
I keep going over the pros and cons list in my head. Trying to talk about it with anyone feels like a maelstrom of thought. So many many pros. But can I do it? Will God come through when I can't? Will he really keep me from hurting the kids when I am down and out? It's hard to put this into type-knowing the thoughts and words won't disappear the minute their thought. I often admire people who can be so frank in their blogs.
Well, maybe I'll just type out my pros and cons then. Maybe that will help me sort it out.
Homeschooling Pros
1. A natural rhythm to the time we spend learning/playing. No set 8 hr schedule concocted by a governing body with the mass in mind first.
2. Allowing my children to learn what they have passions for and dive into them without restraint.
3. Knowing what my kids are learning. Both from a Christian standpoint and a practical standpoint. If they are struggling, I'll know where and can help them or find help.
4. Open schedule for our family.
5. Joy in seeing the light bulbs go on and bonding with the boys in our teaching.
6. Kids not burnt out from long days and homework.
7. Involvment in a co-op where kids can make friends/support for me.
8. Training for the kids in our home with each other-forming deeper bonds and choosing our life
experiences.
9. Less unwanted peer influence.
Public School Pros
1. More personal time for me.
2. Someone else does the work and teaches when my child is difficult.
3. Social group and friendships form-children feel part of a group.
4. Our tax dollars at work
5. Encouragement and insight from teachers (which is limited due to large class size, but helpful).
6. Training for kids in a public setting for future challenges and allowing some autonomy away from me for the day. Ex: Learning to get along and love people from ALL walks.
Well, this is what I have so far. I don't think the longer list wins or anything. These are just the thought swirling around in my brain. I'm sure I'll add to the lists. Maybe I should do the cons next.
Now I will pray. I'm grateful that Dave will join me in this. Lord, please offer me wisdom on this subject. Help me to be courageous no matter which thing we choose. Help me to love you first and with all I am.
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