To homeschool?

Here I am again.  The undecided mother.  I think God wants me to homeschool.  But knowing how hard it will be and how I often struggle with depression-would it be best for our family?  Would it be best for me?  Would it really be best for the boys?

I keep going over the pros and cons list in my head.  Trying to talk about it with anyone feels like a maelstrom of thought.  So many many pros.  But can I do it?  Will God come through when I can't?  Will he really keep me from hurting the kids when I am down and out?  It's hard to put this into type-knowing the thoughts and words won't disappear the minute their thought.  I often admire people who can be so frank in their blogs.

Well, maybe I'll just type out my pros and cons then.  Maybe that will help me sort it out.

Homeschooling Pros

1. A natural rhythm to the time we spend learning/playing.  No set 8 hr schedule concocted by a governing body with the mass in mind first.

2. Allowing my children to learn what they have passions for and dive into them without restraint.

3. Knowing what my kids are learning.  Both from a Christian standpoint and a practical standpoint.  If they are struggling, I'll know where and can help them or find help.

4. Open schedule for our family.

5. Joy in seeing the light bulbs go on and bonding with the boys in our teaching.

6. Kids not burnt out from long days and homework.

7. Involvment in a co-op where kids can make friends/support for me.

8. Training for the kids in our home with each other-forming deeper bonds and choosing our life
experiences.

9. Less unwanted peer influence.

Public School Pros

1.  More personal time for me.

2. Someone else does the work and teaches when my child is difficult.

3.  Social group and friendships form-children feel part of a group.

4. Our tax dollars at work

5. Encouragement and insight from teachers (which is limited due to large class size, but helpful).

6. Training for kids in a public setting for future challenges and allowing some autonomy away from me for the day.  Ex: Learning to get along and love people from ALL walks.



Well, this is what I have so far.  I don't think the longer list wins or anything.  These are just the thought swirling around in my brain.  I'm sure I'll add to the lists.  Maybe I should do the cons next.

Now I will pray.  I'm grateful that Dave will join me in this.  Lord, please offer me wisdom on this subject.  Help me to be courageous no matter which thing we choose.  Help me to love you first and with all I am.

Fluffy

As a mother it is my job to pretty much keep everyone alive.  I feed.  I assess health.  I dispense medication, vitamins, probiotics.  I seatbelt and supervise teeth brushing.  And of course, I maintain the lives of plants and pets.  Plants, well, I go through a few per year.  Pets, they're a bit heartier.

We have a gecco who doesn't have to eat very often.  They say she (the pet guy told us how to know it is a girl) can live off the fat in her tail so I make it to the store for crickets about once a month.  Then there's the cat.  I love our kitty-Violet.  She was named by my 6 year old, Emory.  A sweet little thing who will bother you endlessly if her food dish is not full.  Then there is Daisy.  Daisy is, well, was our first hamster.  Bought with his own money, Emory got Daisy about 2 and 1/2 months ago.  She was still rather new.

Well, she didn't make it.  As you can imagine a 6 year old isn't great at taking care of a pet.  So I fed her when I remembered.   Daisy loved to empty her food dish as soon as I'd fill it up.  She, like any hamster, would hoard all her grain in her little burrow.   So it was hard to tell when she needed more.  So hard, that she didn't have any and she starved.  I felt awful.  Last night when I found her little body-still soft, I dreaded telling Emory.  How do you tell your little son that you killed his pet?  I felt like I failed.

I told him this morning and he handled it so well.  It was like a mini death.  I watched as he was shocked and upset, then wondered how and why.   He was curious to see the body and joked a little with his brothers.  He spoke of God and how He "knew".  It amazed me.  The entire grief period took about 30 minutes.  Then we buried Daisy in a shallow, marked grave and said some words of prayer.

A mini death.  A mini grief.  A mini funeral.  I love minitures.

Now we have Fluffy.  We got her this morning after burying Daisy.  She's really cute.  And she has a much bigger food dish.

Recently I've seen a few friends go through some really hard times while losing a loved one.  Death is so weird, yet the experience is so universal.  Everyone grieves in their own unique way because we are all unique.  But God does know-even the mini deaths.  And he gives the grace one needs.  A hamster is by no means a person.  And replacing the hamster certainly helped my son's (and my) heart to overcome.  But I think His grace is even sufficient in the big ones.

One day I will lose someone dear.  So will Emory.  I hope God's grace will be sufficient for me then.

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                                                     At our cabin July 2012

Dave and I often joke about the crazy situations our boys present to us.  I say I'm going to write a book and each chapter title will be one of their many exploits.  A few years ago, Simon who is now 8, had a squishy, sticky alligator toy.  Somehow it ended up stuck to our 9 foot living room ceiling.  And it was up there for a while-maybe a week.  After it finally fell down, there was an oily alligator print reminding me of it's position.  Gotta love dollar store toys.

Alligators on the Ceiling.  That's the title of my blog.  It brings a smile to my face.  A trick I've learned-or maybe just a survival technique-is I have to find the good in all situations.  My prayer is that this will stay with me.

Our ceiling now has a new, clean coat of white paint.  No more alligator print.  At the time I was annoyed that the cheap, rubber toy made it's home on my ceiling.   Relief when it fell was replaced by irritation at the stain.  But it WAS funny.  And each situation allows for some laughter.  Maybe as the boys grow I can learn to better see each predicament as a silly, transient experience to hold in my heart.

"But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart",  Luke 2:19