There really are few doctors who are worthy of deep trust. Most of them are just like you and me. Well, all of them are to a degree. We're all sinners in desperate need of Christ. Sometimes, though, there will be a person who comes along who has a really unique mix of experience and humility; decisive execution and calm approach; deep care. One that makes you think, "I can trust this person with the lives of my children".
I've met a lot of doctors.
I've met arrogant ones-who new science and the body really well. But would they ever own up to making an error?-no way. And maybe they really think they've never made a mistake. Maybe they've contrived a defense against the harsh realities of nature-that all that goes wrong is not due to their incompetence. They are unforgiving and authoritative.
I've met friendly doctors who don't pretend to know everything; a bit wishy/washy. They have a hard time making decisions and often let you decide the course. At first, they are comforting in their genuineness. They really care about the patients and want what is best. Problem is, they don't know what is best. They seem scared of doing the wrong thing and don't want to be the one to hurt someone. Unfortunately the nature of being a physician is that you are willing to make a decision and guide those who seek your expertise. It takes courage.
Then there are the ones who appear very confident and able, but make wrong diagnoses. They hold onto their decisions when questioned-not out of true knowledge, but out of the fear of not knowing. Maybe they are needy for their own group of trusting patients. Maybe they haven't learned the delicate dance of humility and answers. These are the ones that frustrate me the most. I get a clear answer-out of left field mind you, but very direct. I get treatment and explanations, but it's a superficial confidence. No humility, no openness.
The doctor I trust is one who proves him or herself over and over. The decisions seem strange, but work. The assessment can seem a little distant, but caring; not overly personal, but not cold. They know about little rashes AND cancer. And they are willing to sway a little to the left or right depending on your level of understanding and comfort. These doctors respect a sixth sense. They understand it's not all up to them, but yet they have a huge responsibility. And if I'm really, really fortunate, they even pray.
I'm grateful for our top notch medical system. I'm so glad I'm not raising our kids in a 3rd world nation where every illness could very well be fatal without a drive-or flight-many hours to a semi-progressive hospital. But even with our ahead-of-the-times procedures and equipment, people still get sick and die.
I've been writing this post over the last week. I had a run-in that left a bad taste in my mouth. But after this Sunday's sermon I realized something. There were a few blessings that came with the misdiagnosed childhood illness. Yes, the course of treatment was drastically different, but there were blessings even in the mistake. God is there in the mistakes. I'm glad I had a little grace in the situation. But I think I was hard on the Doctor who made the error-not to her face, but in my heart. I felt superior. But I'm not. I have no gift there and neither did she. It comes down to pride for both of us.
"...In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength..." Isaiah 30:15
I'll be repeating this verse for a while.
Saturday, May 18, 2013
To Live...
4 boys under 9. A hormonally imbalanced mother. Winters stuck in the house. Not enough sleep. So, why are we homeschooling? Good, no, GREAT question!
We made our decision, Dave and me. We're doing it. Simon will be pulled from Octorara where he'd be entering the 3rd grade. Emory will never sit at a desk for Dr. Evans. No Halloween parades or Valentine parties and sacks of candy. No more bus stop mini-meetings with my mommy friends on the block. Yes, some very hard things for us to say goodbye to.
Stretched out before us is a new venture. I am looking at a horizon that will be almost entirely new. I'm scared. I'm apprehensive. I'm excited! This change for our family is big and it will be really hard. I think the hardest thing will be my self-discipline. Mostly the part where I want to yell and be mad and say things I will regret. That is the part I am afraid of. Can God make me different? Can his word transform me again? ...Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
I love God's word. It's all there. Every time I seek wisdom and comfort I find it. I may not FEEL it right away, but it comes. God IS faithful. So, why would he fail to be that this time?
I was talking to Bonnie, my sister-in-law, the other day and I told her how I like a challenge. I like to see if I can do it. Some things that come to mind as the biggest challenges I've faced are working in the ICU and giving birth at the birth center. In the ICU, where I worked for 1 year, I met God. He made Himself real to me. It was the scariest place I've ever worked and he was there. And at the birth center, where Matthew was born, I had no choice. I had to make it through labor and not lose it. There was no way out and I knew it going in. And I did it-no freakout. By God's grace, he allowed me to do it.
Will it be the same with homeschooling? I know I can't do it without Him. He's already given me a husband who fully supports the endeavor-new in the past few months. He's given me a full-day K program where I don't want my boys-and Emory can now read and write. God is proving Himself capable of this. Lord, help me let you. Make my heart teachable and changeable. Mold me into your image.
To live is Christ. All I have is yours. It's all I can give. And everything that is attached to me-my worries, my fears, my loves, my frustrations, my fatigue, my messes, my failures. Here you go, Lord. I lay it at the foot of the cross, where you died to save me from eternal suffering because you love me.
You were there to catch me in the ICU. You held me in your palm as I felt the power of your wrath through childbirth. And you didn't let me go. The fear of messing up my kids because I'm not ready to give our family away, it's yours. The fear of going mad with little boys all over me-yours. The JOY of watching them learn about your creation and enjoy it-yours too. And the deepening friendships among them and with me-all for you. Thank you, Lord. Here we go!
We made our decision, Dave and me. We're doing it. Simon will be pulled from Octorara where he'd be entering the 3rd grade. Emory will never sit at a desk for Dr. Evans. No Halloween parades or Valentine parties and sacks of candy. No more bus stop mini-meetings with my mommy friends on the block. Yes, some very hard things for us to say goodbye to.
Stretched out before us is a new venture. I am looking at a horizon that will be almost entirely new. I'm scared. I'm apprehensive. I'm excited! This change for our family is big and it will be really hard. I think the hardest thing will be my self-discipline. Mostly the part where I want to yell and be mad and say things I will regret. That is the part I am afraid of. Can God make me different? Can his word transform me again? ...Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
I love God's word. It's all there. Every time I seek wisdom and comfort I find it. I may not FEEL it right away, but it comes. God IS faithful. So, why would he fail to be that this time?
I was talking to Bonnie, my sister-in-law, the other day and I told her how I like a challenge. I like to see if I can do it. Some things that come to mind as the biggest challenges I've faced are working in the ICU and giving birth at the birth center. In the ICU, where I worked for 1 year, I met God. He made Himself real to me. It was the scariest place I've ever worked and he was there. And at the birth center, where Matthew was born, I had no choice. I had to make it through labor and not lose it. There was no way out and I knew it going in. And I did it-no freakout. By God's grace, he allowed me to do it.
Will it be the same with homeschooling? I know I can't do it without Him. He's already given me a husband who fully supports the endeavor-new in the past few months. He's given me a full-day K program where I don't want my boys-and Emory can now read and write. God is proving Himself capable of this. Lord, help me let you. Make my heart teachable and changeable. Mold me into your image.
To live is Christ. All I have is yours. It's all I can give. And everything that is attached to me-my worries, my fears, my loves, my frustrations, my fatigue, my messes, my failures. Here you go, Lord. I lay it at the foot of the cross, where you died to save me from eternal suffering because you love me.
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